I BET JOHN CARTER IS THE BEST MOVIE EVER!

JOHN CARTER looks so good that MICHAEL BAY must have come up with the idea and then Walt Disney said HEY THAT'S THE BEST IDEA EVER and took it but MICHAEL BAY IS TOO COOL to get mad and he has SO MANY GOOD IDEAS anyway that who cares if one of them GETS STOLEN?! My older brother used to steal cars!

I wonder what he's PULLING?! It must be BIG and HEAVY! Like a BOULDER or an ALIEN that weighs as much as a BOULDER!

I BET there's a part where Carter has to prove himself just like MICHAEL BAY proved himself with TRANSFORMERS! No one believed he could do it except for me and then it was the BEST MOVIE EVER and now kids at school RESPECT ME because I had FAITH and that's why they don't let me sit with them AT LUNCH! THEY'RE AFRAID, just like people were afraid that MICHAEL BAY wouldn't do a good job with TRANSFORMERS! I'm AFRAID of BEES!

 

 

Carter was a DOCTOR when he was on EARTH! Now he's on MARS!

Someone HAS TO GIVE ME A RIDE to this movie! My mom hasn't gotten her MIATA back from the POLICE yet!

-SHIA

OPTIMUS PRIME FOR BEST ACTOR - POST HERE IF YOU SUPPORT ME!

I haven't seen Transformers 3 yet (can I use someone's NETFLIX account PLEASE?!), but I KNOW that OPTIMUS PRIME should win BEST ACTOR of 2011! Optimus is like a GOD, the same way ZEUS is like a GOD in Clash of the Titans! I haven't seen Clash either (can I PLEASE use someone's NETFLIX account?!), but I bet it's AWESOME, and I bet it would be even AWESOMER if Michael Bay had directed it! I can't wait for Wrath of the Titans! Can someone PLEASE give me a ride to see that?! My mom was so drunk on Wednesday morning that she ran the car into a LIQUOR STORE! Here's a picture of OPTIMUS PRIME!  

BEST ACTOR OF 2011!  Please let me use your Netflix account!

Here's a picture of ZEUS!

I bet that coin is worth INFINITY DOLLARS!

Here's a picture of the LIQUOR STORE my MOM crashed into!

If MICHAEL BAY had been in the car, he would have driven through the WHOLE STORE and come out the OTHER SIDE!!

-SHIA

WAR HORSE IS THE BEST MOVIE EVER MADE!

 
I haven't written in this blog in a LONG time! That's because my MISSING BROTHER reappeared on LABOR DAY and drove me to a cabin where he didn't have a computer and he chained me to a wall and the police JUST found the cabin the other day! On Christmas Eve! They shot my brother but he ESCAPED into the WOODS!

Anyway, my mom just drunk-drove me to the theater, where I saw WAR HORSE! It's the BEST MOVIE EVER MADE if you don't count every movie directed by Michael Bay! If you like WAR and HORSES, this is the perfect movie for you! If Michael Bay had directed it, it would have been the perfect movie for ME!

Here's a picture of the WAR HORSE play! That horse looks STUPID! And WHO CARES ABOUT PLAYS in a world where there are MICHAEL BAY MOVIES?!

--SHIA

Rise of the Planet of the Apes Isn't as Good as Any Michael Bay Idea!

EVERYBODY keeps saying Rise of the Planet of the Apes is GOOD but they're WRONG! I haven't seen it because it looks stupid, but I KNOW that it isn't as GOOD as Transformers 3, which I haven't seen yet, or any other MICHAEL BAY MASTERPIECE!

I mean, come on! This monkey would look so much COOLER if it were a ROBOT that could change its FORM!

I know what you're saying and SHUT UP! ROBOTS CAN HUG AND TRANSFORMERS DO HAVE FEELINGS--just watch Transformers 2 - Rise of the Fallen and look at how SAD they are when Optimus Prime dies! I'm surprised they didn't RUST!

I haven't been hugged in TWO YEARS! I'm SURPRISED I don't RUST!
-SHIA

PEOPLE WERE STUPID IN THE 1500s!

Look at this map from 1544!

That's supposed to be the United States, Mexico and Sowth America! Whoever made this map in 1544 was STUPID! The United States looks NOTHING like THAT! And SOWTH AMERICA looks DUMB! It looks like it got STABBED! And there's no GIANT BOAT in the Pacific Ocean like that! IDIOTS! I HATE THE 1500s and I HATE HISTORY CLASS!

I STILL need a ride to go see Transformers 3. Can anyone help me?

-SHIA

POSTER FOR CONAN THE BARBARIAN!

I was at a bus stop trying to hitch a ride to go see THE SMURFS again when I saw a billboard for CONAN THE BARBARIAN! The billboard made me want to see CONAN THE BARBARIAN even more than I did before!

It looked like this except it was stretched out because it was a BILLBOARD!:

Look at all those SKULLS! I bet Conan the Barbarian killed all those people with his SWORD! I hope I get to do that one day when I have ENEMIES!
-SHIA

Conan the BARBARIAN!

I can't wait to get a ride to see THIS MOVIE!  I don't understand how it looks so awesome!  Michael Bay MUST'VE been involved somehow, like he emailed somebody and said "I need an AWESOME movie about a WARRIOR!"  And they said "OK, because you're MICHAEL BAY!"

After I see CONAN I want to go see THE SMURFS again, because WOW!  It was the BEST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN besides Transformers, Transformers 2, Bad Boys, Bad Boys 2, Armageddon, The Island, The Rock and Pearl Harbor!

I hope EDWARD NORTON is in Conan, because he's the BEST FILM ACTOR of the last 150 YEARS!

CONAN

EDWARD NORTON

-SHIA