WAR HORSE IS THE BEST MOVIE EVER MADE!

 
I haven't written in this blog in a LONG time! That's because my MISSING BROTHER reappeared on LABOR DAY and drove me to a cabin where he didn't have a computer and he chained me to a wall and the police JUST found the cabin the other day! On Christmas Eve! They shot my brother but he ESCAPED into the WOODS!

Anyway, my mom just drunk-drove me to the theater, where I saw WAR HORSE! It's the BEST MOVIE EVER MADE if you don't count every movie directed by Michael Bay! If you like WAR and HORSES, this is the perfect movie for you! If Michael Bay had directed it, it would have been the perfect movie for ME!

Here's a picture of the WAR HORSE play! That horse looks STUPID! And WHO CARES ABOUT PLAYS in a world where there are MICHAEL BAY MOVIES?!

--SHIA

Rise of the Planet of the Apes Isn't as Good as Any Michael Bay Idea!

EVERYBODY keeps saying Rise of the Planet of the Apes is GOOD but they're WRONG! I haven't seen it because it looks stupid, but I KNOW that it isn't as GOOD as Transformers 3, which I haven't seen yet, or any other MICHAEL BAY MASTERPIECE!

I mean, come on! This monkey would look so much COOLER if it were a ROBOT that could change its FORM!

I know what you're saying and SHUT UP! ROBOTS CAN HUG AND TRANSFORMERS DO HAVE FEELINGS--just watch Transformers 2 - Rise of the Fallen and look at how SAD they are when Optimus Prime dies! I'm surprised they didn't RUST!

I haven't been hugged in TWO YEARS! I'm SURPRISED I don't RUST!
-SHIA

PEOPLE WERE STUPID IN THE 1500s!

Look at this map from 1544!

That's supposed to be the United States, Mexico and Sowth America! Whoever made this map in 1544 was STUPID! The United States looks NOTHING like THAT! And SOWTH AMERICA looks DUMB! It looks like it got STABBED! And there's no GIANT BOAT in the Pacific Ocean like that! IDIOTS! I HATE THE 1500s and I HATE HISTORY CLASS!

I STILL need a ride to go see Transformers 3. Can anyone help me?

-SHIA

POSTER FOR CONAN THE BARBARIAN!

I was at a bus stop trying to hitch a ride to go see THE SMURFS again when I saw a billboard for CONAN THE BARBARIAN! The billboard made me want to see CONAN THE BARBARIAN even more than I did before!

It looked like this except it was stretched out because it was a BILLBOARD!:

Look at all those SKULLS! I bet Conan the Barbarian killed all those people with his SWORD! I hope I get to do that one day when I have ENEMIES!
-SHIA

Conan the BARBARIAN!

I can't wait to get a ride to see THIS MOVIE!  I don't understand how it looks so awesome!  Michael Bay MUST'VE been involved somehow, like he emailed somebody and said "I need an AWESOME movie about a WARRIOR!"  And they said "OK, because you're MICHAEL BAY!"

After I see CONAN I want to go see THE SMURFS again, because WOW!  It was the BEST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN besides Transformers, Transformers 2, Bad Boys, Bad Boys 2, Armageddon, The Island, The Rock and Pearl Harbor!

I hope EDWARD NORTON is in Conan, because he's the BEST FILM ACTOR of the last 150 YEARS!

CONAN

EDWARD NORTON

-SHIA

THERE'S THIS NEW MOVIE CALLED THE SMURFS ABOUT LITTLE BLUE PEOPLE CALLED SMURFS!

That's the BEST idea for a movie EVER!  Where did they come up with that idea!  I don't even care what they do--they can do ANYTHING and it will be REALLY FUNNY!  I'm gonna laugh a LOT if I can get a ride to go see it!

Watch the preview!  There's this GREAT part where they get chased by a cat, and then later the cat slaps its forehead because it can't believe how stupid they're being, and then later there's a part where the cat ACTUALLY LAUGHS AT THEM because it still can't believe how stupid they're being!

Here, watch the preview!  There's this other great part where a bald guy named Gargle gets hit by a bus!

LOOK AT HIM!  HE'S BLUE!  I wonder if they eat a lot of silver like that one guy!

-SHIA

BUMBLEBEE!

You MIGHT have noticed if you have eyes that my blog background is a picture of BUMBLEBEE, the BEST AUTOBOT!  Bumblebee used to be a VOLKSWAGEN BUG!  I'm sure glad they made him a CAMARO cuz WHO LIKES VOLKSWAGEN BUGS?  People who hate Michael Bay, that's who, and I'm not one of THOSE people!  My brother has a Camaro!  He went missing three years ago!

Here's what Bumblebee USED to look like!  Thank GOD they updated him for the movies!
-SHIA

FUNNIEST TRAILER EVER!

You know who ELSE I LOVE?

KEVIN JAMES!

He makes the FUNNIEST movies!  This is evidensified by this trailer!  I ROFLed for like a 100 years when I saw this trailer this morning before I went to school!  If you watch it, be careful you're not drinking MILK or eating SPAGHETTI!
-SHIA

THIS IS MY NEW BLOG!

I'm fifteen years old and I live in Itasca, Illinois, and I LOVE MICHAEL BAY!

I can't give you my real name cuz I got in trouble for that last year, so just call me SHIA!  Michael Bay Lovers will know what THAT means!

I haven't seen Transformers 3 yet because I can't get a ride, but I KNOW it's the best movie EVER!!!  It should win an Oscar!  And Michael Bay should get an Oscar for being MICHAEL BAY!

More later--my mom's coming and I'm not supposed to be on AOL right now!

-SHIA