Rise of the Planet of the Apes Isn't as Good as Any Michael Bay Idea!

EVERYBODY keeps saying Rise of the Planet of the Apes is GOOD but they're WRONG! I haven't seen it because it looks stupid, but I KNOW that it isn't as GOOD as Transformers 3, which I haven't seen yet, or any other MICHAEL BAY MASTERPIECE!

I mean, come on! This monkey would look so much COOLER if it were a ROBOT that could change its FORM!

I know what you're saying and SHUT UP! ROBOTS CAN HUG AND TRANSFORMERS DO HAVE FEELINGS--just watch Transformers 2 - Rise of the Fallen and look at how SAD they are when Optimus Prime dies! I'm surprised they didn't RUST!

I haven't been hugged in TWO YEARS! I'm SURPRISED I don't RUST!
-SHIA

PEOPLE WERE STUPID IN THE 1500s!

Look at this map from 1544!

That's supposed to be the United States, Mexico and Sowth America! Whoever made this map in 1544 was STUPID! The United States looks NOTHING like THAT! And SOWTH AMERICA looks DUMB! It looks like it got STABBED! And there's no GIANT BOAT in the Pacific Ocean like that! IDIOTS! I HATE THE 1500s and I HATE HISTORY CLASS!

I STILL need a ride to go see Transformers 3. Can anyone help me?

-SHIA

POSTER FOR CONAN THE BARBARIAN!

I was at a bus stop trying to hitch a ride to go see THE SMURFS again when I saw a billboard for CONAN THE BARBARIAN! The billboard made me want to see CONAN THE BARBARIAN even more than I did before!

It looked like this except it was stretched out because it was a BILLBOARD!:

Look at all those SKULLS! I bet Conan the Barbarian killed all those people with his SWORD! I hope I get to do that one day when I have ENEMIES!
-SHIA